An Open Letter For The Holidays

    

Hi Homeschoolers!

I live in Los Angeles. We don't get snow. Ever. Sometimes we get a little rain, which tends to mystify many of my fellow Los Angelinos. Water falling from the sky?! Is such a thing possible? Surely the Gods are angry, and we must now drive very poorly to show our fear and respect...

Anyway, as Hanukkah and Christmas approach, it's hard to tell that it's the holiday season here. Unless you go into a mall. They find ways to remind you, whether you’d like to be reminded or not.

That said, it is the holiday season. I know it is, because my children have made their demands for presents. My 21 year-old would like a Vespa. I'm not sure what a Vespa is, but if my daughter wants it, I’m sure it is expensive. Her second choice is a digital camera, and I know what they cost. Her first choice is always more expensive than her second choice. Unless she's decided to deceive me this year. (sigh) My soon-to-be 18 year old son says he wants nothing. He is absolutely my favorite child, at least during holiday season. Some of you parents can probably figure out why.

What does the holiday season offer to homeschoolers, specifically? I think the possibilities are nearly endless. First, you don’t need to wait for school vacation to start, because your children are home with you. Start early. Endless day-trips await, if only to look at the Holiday decorations in the neighborhood. Or you can put up some decorations as a family. Make a project out of it. You can do this because your children are at home with you.

Talk to your children and find out what the holidays mean to them. And tell them what the holidays mean to you, since they probably don’t know. Even better, get together with relatives and friends and share your ideas of what the holidays can be and have been. Grandma and Grandpa will have stories to tell, and you should record or video them. I've suggested to a few friends that this is a good time of year to not only break out the video camera, but to get your oldest relatives and friends together and, one by one, ask them to tell their life stories while you record and ask questions. Some of those questions should come from your children! Make it a home school project, an investigation into memory, and the lives of those we love. When finished, watch these films together and then, store them well. Life is nothing if not change, and someday, you will be very happy to have those recordings. By the way, parents, make sure to get your life story on tape for the children, and get them to do theirs, too.

Of course, the holidays have a spiritual significance. Hanukkah celebrates a great victory in the history of the Jewish people, and a miracle. In the Temple of Solomon, a light is always supposed to burn, a display of oneness with God. But the Jewish people, who had just recaptured the temple from bitter enemies, had oil enough to burn for only one day. The oil burned for eight days, a sign of the Jew's on-going close relationship with God. Christmas is, of course, a celebration of the birth of Jesus Christ in Bethlehem. I think, during the holidays, it's very important to tell the stories that gave birth to the holidays. It’s far too easy to get caught up in a shopping frenzy, or drowned in Christmas elevator music. If you are going to celebrate the holidays, you should make a great point of recalling what they’re really for. You might want to read together at night from the Bible, or some simplified source of the stories. But the stories should be shared.

Reading together is always a good idea. I helped give birth to an event many years ago called "Christmas Stories" (which would have been better entitled "Holiday Stories", but I was ignored on that point). It's two nights a year in December when celebrities raise money for needy children by reading holiday stories and singing holiday songs, some original and some old and beloved. These are performed “live” in front of an enthusiastic audience, and also recorded for radio. It’s still going strong, almost 20 years later. People like to share stories at this time of year, it helps us pull together in shared feeling and experience. I wrote my own book of twenty holiday stories which I like to share with my friends at this time of year. It's that important to me to share ideas and affection during the Holiday season. Reading with your children, and letting them do some of the reading, will do more than make them better readers.

There are many other holiday stories you can share. My family used to sort of have a "movie night", when we’d watch holiday films we selected. Maybe each person in your family could pick their favorite holiday film, and you could all watch, one per evening? This may mean you get to watch A Pokemon Christmas. Start up the popcorn.

Some families like to play holiday music through much of the day, at this time of year. If I might suggest, there's a lot of wonderful classical holiday music. Bach cantatas are exquisite! And there’s always Tchaikovsky's nutcracker suite, and Handel's Messiah. There are recordings of Hanukkah music out there, too, but not enough. And I wonder if some intrepid Cantor out there would ever record the truly haunting, stunning music sung in temples across the world. That would be a holiday gift! You could allow the children to select some music to play, as well. You may end up listening to A Pokemon Christmas...

In any case, the holiday season is the best time of year for family. One hears endless complaints about parents who "can't seem to bond" with their children. Well, bonding is not a matter of money spent, so if you’re unemployed or underpaid, take heart (and get in line with the rest of us)! Bonding requires only a few things — 1) A willingness on you and your children’s part to share time, communication and ideas; 2) Time spent together; 3) The ability on your part to listen to your children, and 4) A small amount of creativity.

Let's look at each of these quickly, and start with willingness. You know that if your children want to spend Christmas with their best friend, you will have a hard time winning them over. Of course, you could always invite the best friend to sleep over, as I often did for my children. If their parents are okay with it, great! I used to treat that like an extended family, and get them a present. But if you start before the holiday strikes, by doing some of the things mentioned above, or other creative things you like to do, that will help set the tone. It is the holiday season , after all, and not just one day of whoopee. Anyway, willingness is everything, I’m afraid. Some children (and their parents) are very happy and willing to spend time together for the holidays, so no problem. But if your children complain that they see you everyday anyway because they are homeschooling, well...they are right about that. Maybe, in such cases, a compromise can be made where they spend Christmas Eve at home, or the first night of Hanukkah, and then spend Christmas Day, or the second day of Hanukkah, with friends. Or switch that around. Communication will be the key to happiness, here. Talk and listen.

Time together can be hard when both parents (or a single parent) must work. When you’re never around, your children will naturally look for other things to do. Too many children escape into TVs and video games, and I'd suggest very strongly that you set a moratorium during the holiday season on these things, or at least severely limit them while you are all home. It's hard to spend time together while your child (or you) is hypnotized by the latest commercials, or while playing the latest horrid video game. Turn these off, they make communication impossible and dull the mind. And by the way, this is where listening to each other and creativity come into play. Ask your children what (other than the boob tube or boob computer) they might want to do. Listen. Come up with ideas of your own and propose them. And work your plans around everyone's schedule by planning a bit ahead.

Almost everyone works, of necessity. But one of our most important jobs as parents is to spend time with our families. After all, the reason we work is simply to support ourselves, our families, and their needs. One of their most important needs is your time and attention.

Happy Holidays! May this holiday season bring your family closer together in shared respect and love.

     Steven Horwich
     December 1, 2009
     Connect The Thoughts™
     1st Step™